Looking for miracles 8/29/11

   I am not required to be at any treatment office this morning. I am not expected to have a topical cream covered with Press'n Seal - Glad to keep my port numb until injection. I do not have to go out in the 110 degree heat in a stylish floppy hat to sit in a recliner with poison dripping into my vein. These are all very good things, but not miracles. The miracle is that these events were possible in my lifetime. The miracle is that I have been in a position to receive the benefit of the efforts of many others. People who were looking for a solution to my kind of stage 4 squamous cell carcinoma, originating from the left tonsilar pillar, and spreading into 4 of 14 lymph nodes on the left side of my neck. Thank God.

   My neck is burnt, and my throat is "fall off the bone" done. The fact is that I will not feel the full effects of my last treatment until this Friday. The cumulative effect has been explained ad nauseum. What I must continue to consider is that there is also the cumulative effect of the solution.
 
   Some of my spiritual advisors were at the house yesterday. I shared with them that I was not feeling particularly whole. I feel as if I am unable to help. Again I find myself powerless(but not hopeless). I have been assured that the Power I need is all around me, is flowing to me, is being delivered through me, and is available as needed. All I need to do is tap into the Power. Now that is a miracle.Beethoven – Moonlight Sonata: Adagio Sostenuto

   I showed my friends my radiation mask and explained the process. I assured them that I, on my own, was incapable of lying motionless, and silent for 20 minutes. Especially with my head bolted to the table, unable to blink, or smile.
   I love Jeff Beck's work on People Get Ready. I saw him and Stevie Ray Vaughn one time, and Beck blew SRV off the stage. Not even close, and SRV was no slouch! Bruce Hornsby – The Way It Is
Bruce Hornsby – Mandolin Rain
Jeff Beck and Rod Stewart;Jeff Beck & Rod Stewart – People Get Ready ( With Rod Stewart)

   Last week both of my oncologists gave me what I would consider very optimistic, and bold (miraculous?) prognoses (plural for prognosis). I did not expect to hear the word "cured" used in conjunction with my cancer. I did not expect the evaluation of my treatment to be described as close to "perfect". I expected them both to hand out a canned CYA statement that gave cause for concern, with a side of optimism. The statement I received was a matter of fact assurance. I had the Medical oncologist repeat himself 3 times, just to make sure Beth was hearing the same information. I was somewhat shocked, and didn't cry until later.The Royal Beethoven Symphony – Symphony Nº 9 Op.125 In D Mino - Presto Allegro Assi

   The existence of miracles is not for me to dispute, or accept. My job is to be in a position to recognize, and appreciate these events, and not take them for granted. Many times I can be more observant of the manifestation of Good in the lives of others than I can in my own life. Why must I be so shortsighted? XTC – Ballad Of Peter Pumpkinhead

Enjoying my free morning talking to TJ in Germany, who insists that Uncle Terry should break a call off to him in Germany. Terry seems to think that TJ should be calling Rocky River. I spoke with Kevin, whose on his way back to Boston from Tahoe. I am grateful to be able to stay in contact with all of you.

Kate and Maggie are reminding me to wear life like a loose garment!

   My digestive difficulties are needing some attention. We are officially off the anti biotic. I have a craving for fish, and Caren just dropped off some Mahi Mahi. I'm not sure when Steven caught these filets, but I'm looking forward to trying some this afternoon. The Medical oncologist requested bloodwork tomorrow morning, so my buddy Bart is going to pick me up at 8:15. I am trying my best to help with my nutritional health, but the food just doesn't want to cooperate. They want me to ingest more of the canned supplement via the tube, as it has a fiber content greater than the Ensure Plus®.

Thank's for watching,

TJH