Tube Steak 12/5/11

Happy Birthday Colleen!
The Tubes – What Do You Want From Life?
The Tubes – White Punks On Dope
Nena – 99 Red Balloons
Goldfinger – 99 Red Balloons
Junior Wells – (I Got A) Stomach Ache
Buddy Guy & Junior Wells – Messin' With The Kid

   The feeding tube was professionally installed in June. I was prepped for surgery at Banner Baywood. I had a pre-surgical consult with the anesthesiologist, and gastroenterologist. I had a warm blanket, to help keep me comfortable. I was sedated, the tube was professionally installed, my vitals were monitored throughout the night, and I was released the following morning. I felt confident, and assured.

   The feeding tube was removed today, on an outpatient basis, at my gastroenterologists office. I was the last patient of the day. Troy took my blood pressure, and laughed out loud when I asked about the procedure. Dr. Umar joined in the raucous fun when he came into the room. There was no sedation, or warm blanket. Dr. Umar unbuttoned my shirt, put a bib around my tube-sight, ripped the tape off my chest, wrapped the tube in his right hand, gave it 2 uncomfortable cranks (like a Model A), and then ripped the tube, and balloon, from my gullet, just above my navel. He was giggling when he told me to open my eyes, and breathe. A tube removal is a Holiday favorite. At the end of each day the staff gets a little bonus. Who gets to go in and prep the tube extraction patient? Pure entertainment. A $40 dollar co-pay? They should pay us they have so much fun. Dr. Umar's office has been terrific throughout this ordeal. Really nice folks.

   I suppose I may have incited some of the commotion, and I know they had some fun at my expense. I also know that I appreciate their expertise. They allowed me to continue to take nourishment, when my throat was closed for renovations.

   The subclavian port is the only cancer related remnant. It was surgically installed, and will be surgically removed. It allowed Doctors, Nurses, and Techs, access to my arteries, without drilling a new hole each time. I may not have mentioned this earlier in my writing, but I am Vasovagal. I faint when they come after me with needles. Always ask for the bed when going for a blood test. Those silly little desks do not hold up when gravity calls. The removal is scheduled for Monday, December 19th at 11am. No food or drink after midnight. Warm blankets, and anesthesia. A civilized procedure. I am somewhat interested in keeping the port, it really does make blood work painless. I wonder what the warranty period looks like on a Port?

 The Youngbloods – Let's Get Together
Don't look for me at the blood drive.
TJH