Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Marty is in Transit 9/6/11

    I enjoyed a wonderful visit with my brother Marty. I am having a little separation anxiety in conjunction with his departure. Not just because he's leaving, but because I sent him back to Cleveland Ohio with some fine cigars. These cigars have been accumulated with love over the past several years. I know that they are in good hands, and will be enjoyed with good friends, and family. There may be some scientific evidence which suggests that they may contain carcinogens. I'm not a heavy smoker, I've probably enjoyed 10 cigars a year for the past 10 years. I've smoked under 5 cigarettes my entire life. I smoked about 3 bales of marijuana, but none since 1987. I'm pretty sure my smoking activities have been curtailed for the foreseeable future. I don't even have to ask Beth, it's better that I should just find a good home for the good smokes. Blues Traveler – Hook

    My head is recovering faster than my body. I completed the treatment protocol, now I want an expedited recovery. The problem with this philosophy is that the body is not always able to maintain the recovery regimen that I have mentally established. Sometimes I just have to crash. There is not much advance notice. I hit a certain threshold and then my systems go into an automatic shutdown. Dave Matthews Band – Ants Marching

   I am waiting for mom to arrive. I had to unceremoniously cut short dinner last night, and figured I'd give her a rain check while I'm feeling well. I'm finding that my energy level is much better in the morning. The pace of this weekend may have been a tad aggressive for this stage of my recovery.

   For you Marty... Iggy Pop – The Passenger

   I just did a mile on the treadmill, and now I am going to lay down. I may have overshot the mark. Marty bought me some fancy, very light track shoes. I think the shoes held up better than I did. I may need a slower pair of shoes.Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros – Home

Thanks for the encouragement!
TJH


 

Sunday, September 4, 2011

So much for bloggers block! 9/4/11

Talking Heads – Psycho Killer - 2005 Remastered Album Version
Talking Heads – Psycho Killer - Acoustic

   "Don't touch me I'm a real live wire". I need to be re-wired. The neurological ramifications of throat cancer have been grossly underestimated. My circuitry is shot. The standard wiring was eliminated during the cancer surgery on June 2, 2011. The electricians have not been back on the job since then, and it appears they have no interest in fixing the mess they left behind. All those intricate tiny tendrils of nerve endings have been displaced. They have been given the opportunity to provide a sensation, and are working overtime. My shirts hurt, the air conditioning hurts, but the front of my hair looks great. I think it looks a little like David Byrne circa 1977.
Talking Heads – Burning Down The House
Talking Heads – Road To Nowhere
Talking Heads - Life During Wartime

   I kinda got stuck in a Talking Heads time warp for a minute. The back of my head gives me a Gary Oldham feel from the 5th Element. I'm glad I cant see it without the use of smoke and mirrors. Enjoy!


    I hope this stuff gets better in a relatively short period of time. My favorite food of the weekend was an unexpected Ahi Tuna appetizer with a wasabi horseradish sauce at Firebirds in Chandler. The worst food selection so far is without question the mouthful of buttermilk biscuit at breakfast this morning. That thing devolved into a full mouth of paste almost instantaneously. I was left with a plaster of Paris mold of the inside of my mouth. There really is no cool way to extract that from your teeth, or the roof of your mouth.
Del Amitri – Tell Her This
Del Amitri – Roll To Me


Hair club for Tim 9/4/11

   Duane Eddy – Peter Gunn
   Sorry for the delay in my blogging, I've had treatment block. I had a long period of recovery after my last treatment. I didn't really get my sea legs back until Thursday. The effect of that last treatment was pretty formidable. I would love to blame Marty, but he has been encouraging me every day to blog.
   Marty dropped me off to see some friends in Ahwatukee(this is where I was robbed at gunpoint 4 months ago), Saturday morning. During the visit I mentioned that I would be needing a ride home. There were 3 offers made immediately, and a couple of backups. People really do want to be of service. What can we do? How can we help?
  During times of complacency the human condition does not always translate well, but if you add some degree of challenge into the mix, we get a very different view of our fellow man. Sometimes the view is better, but not always. You can see it in the eyes of the people receiving treatment. They have a degree of defiance, without malice, that will not allow failure. You also recognize the people who have lost the will to fight for that day. On that day the disease is a big winner, but hopefully we live to fight another day. I've only had a couple of these moments, thank God.
   I squirted my dinner all over the kitchen window, and valance. It was a syringe malfunction. My hair started to fall out this week. I have a receding neckline! Always a fashion leader, a trend setter. It starts from the back of my neck and goes up about 3 inches(photos are in the next blog). It appears to run in the same line as the extra heavy dose of radiation I received the last week of treatment. A lovely parting gift. "Thanks for playing, baldy".
 Michael Franti & Spearhead – Say Hey (I Love You)
  The Radiation oncologist sent me home with a tupperware of concoction he mixed in front of me. It was an Aquaphor Healing Ointment, and Lidocaine - Wikipedia mixture, to paste on the throat and neck. The white paste doesn't look great, but it will stop the pain.
   We met Mom for breakfast this morning at Biscuits in Ahwatukee. I ran into a friend of mine and his 2 sons. They were a couple of fine young men ages 11, and 7. They came over and introduced themselves, and we had a little chat. When we finished our meal and were getting ready to fight for the check(mom was very quick), we were told that our bill was paid by my friend. He grabbed the opportunity to help. He saw an opening and took full advantage. It was a veteran move, pulled off very anonymously. It reminded me of me, and made me smile.Michael Franti – The Sound Of Sunshine (Album Version)
   We left our breakfast and headed over to the farmers market for a little after breakfast stroll. The nice lady at the herbal ointment stand gave me some holistic cream for my napalmed neck. 100 pecent pure African shea butter, will be just perfect for nuclear neck. I wonder if it stimulates hair growth?
Creedence Clearwater Revival – Who'll Stop The Rain
Ramones – I Wanna Be Sedated
Stevie Wonder – Signed, Sealed, Delivered (I'm Yours) - Alternate Mix
Bobby Darin – Beyond The Sea
Looking at the opportunities,
TJH

Ready to Recover 9/2/11

   My brother Marty rolled into town yesterday.Meat Loaf – Bat Out Of Hell He needed to get eyeballs on me to be convinced I was surviving well. I don't blame him for wanting to see me with his own eyes. I sold him a lot of stories early in his existence. I have a 5 year advantage, and he remains reasonably suspicious. Elvis Presley – Suspicious Minds




   I'm glad he is here. We'd both like to spend more time together. I know that I love, and that I am loved. We had a fabulous class at the Apple Store. He is enjoying him some SpotifyVampire Weekend – Holiday I spoke with TJ today, he just finished a 16 mile ruck in under 3 hours. He's spending the long weekend in a small town about an hour out of Vienna. I believe Kevin is in Boston. Vampire Weekend – Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa
   I saw the Radiation Oncologist today, and he is giving me the greenlight to recover. I am ready. I'm ready for the treadmill, some sensible solid food, a gradual reduction on my painkillers. I'm being re-released into the environment, like a bird with a repaired wing. I want to fly. I will follow the guidelines, and directions of my doctors. I had my last treatment a week ago, and have been in a pretty solid funk all week. My energy level has been shot, and my pain level has been high. Today I had a noticeable improvement in both energy, and pain. The Strokes – Last Nite

   How many second chances have I already been given? How fortunate? I am immeasurably blessed. This is not subject to health. This has been true my entire life, and as my life continues to unfold into goodness.
Enjoy the music!
TJH

Billy Bragg and Wilco – California Stars
Adele – Make You Feel My Love


Thursday, September 1, 2011

Miss You 8/30/11-- 9/1/11

The Rolling Stones – Miss You
 CH CH CH CH...What's the matter with you boy? Just waiting for some spring to return to my step. I've been noticeably off balance since Friday. The cumulative effect is a multifaceted assault(rashes, blisters, digestive difficulties, fatigue, oral complications, vertigo, emotional instability), but I don't have to go to treatment today.
   Today they want a blood test. I'm not exactly sure what they are looking for, but the fact that I'm having a hard time keeping nutrition is somewhat disconcerting. My physique is smaller, but is still doughy(not a chiseled 173). I have more than enough in prudent reserves. I remembered to apply the topical cream to numb my port, but the anti nausea pill must not have agreed with the Ensure. They've called for additional tube feeding. The custom supplement contains fiber, and should help to solidify my process. Bart picked me up at 8:15, and we were off. I feel somewhat awkward returning to the treatment facility for a simple blood sample.
   The fabulous port malfunctioned this morning, and I was sent home with a shooter of heparin to de-clog the port. Not a big deal, I'll just try again tomorrow.
   Mom stopped by today with some home made ham and pea soup. Good for whatever ails me.
   One of the more noticeable aspects of my recuperation is a heightened awareness of love. An appreciation for the calls, messages, and cards. I feel a sense of closeness. The blessed interactions with so many people that I love. I've been graced with the ability to recognize so much love that it is almost overwhelming. I miss being able to interact freely without concern for my health, but I like the way I'm tuned right now.

   Bart picked me up this morning for a successful blood test. On the way out I stopped at the radiation office to replenish my exhausted supply of Aquaphor Healing Ointment. This ointment helps alleviate the sting, and is not as greasy as some of the other ointments I've tried. I saw some of the usual suspects, including the woman who took my time slot. She and her husband were happy to see me, and the feeling was mutual.
Enjoy the Day!
TJH
Duane Eddy – Rebel Rouser
George Benson – On Broadway
George Benson – Breezin' - Remastered LP Version
Al Stewart – Year Of The Cat
The Allman Brothers Band – Statesboro Blues

Monday, August 29, 2011

Looking for miracles 8/29/11

   I am not required to be at any treatment office this morning. I am not expected to have a topical cream covered with Press'n Seal - Glad to keep my port numb until injection. I do not have to go out in the 110 degree heat in a stylish floppy hat to sit in a recliner with poison dripping into my vein. These are all very good things, but not miracles. The miracle is that these events were possible in my lifetime. The miracle is that I have been in a position to receive the benefit of the efforts of many others. People who were looking for a solution to my kind of stage 4 squamous cell carcinoma, originating from the left tonsilar pillar, and spreading into 4 of 14 lymph nodes on the left side of my neck. Thank God.

   My neck is burnt, and my throat is "fall off the bone" done. The fact is that I will not feel the full effects of my last treatment until this Friday. The cumulative effect has been explained ad nauseum. What I must continue to consider is that there is also the cumulative effect of the solution.
 
   Some of my spiritual advisors were at the house yesterday. I shared with them that I was not feeling particularly whole. I feel as if I am unable to help. Again I find myself powerless(but not hopeless). I have been assured that the Power I need is all around me, is flowing to me, is being delivered through me, and is available as needed. All I need to do is tap into the Power. Now that is a miracle.Beethoven – Moonlight Sonata: Adagio Sostenuto

   I showed my friends my radiation mask and explained the process. I assured them that I, on my own, was incapable of lying motionless, and silent for 20 minutes. Especially with my head bolted to the table, unable to blink, or smile.
   I love Jeff Beck's work on People Get Ready. I saw him and Stevie Ray Vaughn one time, and Beck blew SRV off the stage. Not even close, and SRV was no slouch! Bruce Hornsby – The Way It Is
Bruce Hornsby – Mandolin Rain
Jeff Beck and Rod Stewart;Jeff Beck & Rod Stewart – People Get Ready ( With Rod Stewart)

   Last week both of my oncologists gave me what I would consider very optimistic, and bold (miraculous?) prognoses (plural for prognosis). I did not expect to hear the word "cured" used in conjunction with my cancer. I did not expect the evaluation of my treatment to be described as close to "perfect". I expected them both to hand out a canned CYA statement that gave cause for concern, with a side of optimism. The statement I received was a matter of fact assurance. I had the Medical oncologist repeat himself 3 times, just to make sure Beth was hearing the same information. I was somewhat shocked, and didn't cry until later.The Royal Beethoven Symphony – Symphony NÂș 9 Op.125 In D Mino - Presto Allegro Assi

   The existence of miracles is not for me to dispute, or accept. My job is to be in a position to recognize, and appreciate these events, and not take them for granted. Many times I can be more observant of the manifestation of Good in the lives of others than I can in my own life. Why must I be so shortsighted? XTC – Ballad Of Peter Pumpkinhead

Enjoying my free morning talking to TJ in Germany, who insists that Uncle Terry should break a call off to him in Germany. Terry seems to think that TJ should be calling Rocky River. I spoke with Kevin, whose on his way back to Boston from Tahoe. I am grateful to be able to stay in contact with all of you.


Kate and Maggie are reminding me to wear life like a loose garment!

   My digestive difficulties are needing some attention. We are officially off the anti biotic. I have a craving for fish, and Caren just dropped off some Mahi Mahi. I'm not sure when Steven caught these filets, but I'm looking forward to trying some this afternoon. The Medical oncologist requested bloodwork tomorrow morning, so my buddy Bart is going to pick me up at 8:15. I am trying my best to help with my nutritional health, but the food just doesn't want to cooperate. They want me to ingest more of the canned supplement via the tube, as it has a fiber content greater than the Ensure Plus®.


Thank's for watching,
TJH


Saturday, August 27, 2011

Pooh Corner: I'm somewhat incontinent 8/27/11

Kenny Loggins – Return To Pooh Corner
   Some of the less comfortable side effects seem to be attacking me in my sleep. My best guess is that my aggressive attempt to maintain my nutrition levels with a steady intake of liquids is having some unforeseen ramifications. I will try to get some complex carbohydrates in my system today, and combine it with some imodium. Warren Zevon - My Shit's Fucked Up

   In the grand scheme of things, my current obstacle is better than some of the other side effects I've encountered. Lack of power is clearly my dilemma. I want to control everything, and that just is not possible. My Radiation oncologist reminded me that the special treatments that I bravely endured this week would not be felt until Thursday, or Friday of next week. Great News! I can hardly wait. Sarah McLachlan – The Rainbow Connection

   I had a tenant call last night to inform me that her A/C went out. Not a good problem when it is 115 degrees outside. It gave me a chance to think about others. I had an A/C guy at her place within an hour, and a new unit will be installed today. Life goes on. Thank goodness.

   I hope that my people on the East Coast stay on the safe-side of Irene. She looks like a real bad woman. – Goo Goo Dolls - American Girl I was at a beach-house in Stone Harbor on August 9, 1976. State Troopers encouraged us to evacuate to avoid Hurricane Belle. Bobby G. tied his VW to a telephone pole. We declined their suggestion, and promised to stay safe. I remember sitting on a big screened-in porch with about 8 friends, just watching the hurricane. We were mesmerized(stoned) with a stack of plywood that started to dance. As the top piece of plywood was lifted about 15 feet in the air, and suddenly impaled itself into the side of the neighbors home(about neck high), we grabbed the keg, and moved to an interior location.

   I love my life!
   My skinny clothes are loose on me? WTF? You can't make this stuff up!
   Play!Grateful Dead – Ripple
         Don Henley – The Heart Of The Matter

TJH