Take the Over 9/22/11

   I saw some friends this morning who reminded me again, just how fortunate I am. The fact that I live in a time where a protocol exists that will allow me to survive a formerly fatal disease is miraculous. I am reasonably certain that if my symptoms had shown up 30 years ago you would be reading someone else's blog.The Shins – New Slang

   The fact that people have been studying this disease, and applying their knowledge over time has provided me with a reason to remain optimistic. I have optimism without arrogance.  I didn't kick cancers ass. I have been given a daily reprieve today. Tomorrow may be a different story, but for today I have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. The mental recovery is sometimes more painful than the physical recovery. My mind has me running marathons with imaginary grandchildren. The Strokes – Someday

   My friend also reminded me that wanting to have this all behind me is not a substitute for walking through this process. I really need to put one foot in front of the other, and follow the directions from my physicians. I had been trying so hard to get in shape, and change my physical condition, that I was actually doing harm to my recovery. The Doctor reminded me on Monday that I was still in the acute recovery stage, and that my body is still breaking down. The Erbitux, and Radiation were continuing to attack my system, and would be for several weeks. He suggested I step away from a strenuous exercise regimen. I told him I was only walking 1 mile per day at a slow pace. He told me that if I continued to loose weight I would be looking at some difficult consequences. I hate difficult consequences. Bad Religion – Sorrow

   I appreciate the blogshots I've been receiving. The subtle anonymous phone calls, texts, and emails just wondering how I've been. "Haven't read anything from you in a while". "Just wanted to make sure you didn't need anything". "How come you quit writing"? Are you dead? Most people I know are very sensitive!

   When I was first diagnosed in May my friends really stepped forward in a big way. One of my buddies called to make certain his middle name was spelled right in my will. Another friend made a request for some quality neckwear.  A third friend mentioned that he'd always admired Beth.  I didn't hear anyone set an over/under, but let me just say for today.... "take the over".

Todays Playlist
– Men Without Hats - Safety Dance
Willie Nelson – Unchained Melody
The Kooks – Junk Of The Heart (Happy)
The Kooks – Naive
Your Loyal Serf,
TJH

Good Role Models 9/12/11- 9/21/11

  I had a gremlin jump into my blogspot dashboard, and erase 2 quality blogs from my menu prior to publishing. I swear these were a couple of real gems that would have been candidates for some kind of blog Pulitzer. Pithy, insightful, and filled with hope. I can't for the life of me recall what I wrote, but I can assure you that it was brilliant. I found myself becoming resentful that my creation had been destroyed, and intentionally not writing. I am such an infant! Modest Mouse – Missed The Boat
   I am regularly reminded that I continue to recover. Last week I had some Ahi Tuna that I could almost actually taste(wasabi/horseradish sauce). This week I realized that my appetite is improving. I was able to get up each day this week, and do some exercise. I was able to enjoy some food, fellowship, and football with friends on Sunday.The Decemberists – Calamity Song
   I enjoyed hanging our American Flag this weekend. I'm also glad that when the storms came Saturday, and Sunday afternoon, I had the respect to take our flag down. I live in the greatest country in the history of civilization. I am proud to be an American, and am grateful for the blessings that we receive as Americans. I am also very aware of the responsibilities, and sacrifices that go along with being an American. TJ is currently deployed in an undisclosed location. May God continue to protect, and keep him in his care and custody. Grateful Dead – U.S. Blues

TJ is third from the left wearing the only sleeveless number 

   The week seems to be dragging. The recovery is not happening as fast as I would like. My energy level is drastically reduced, and I wear our very quickly. The doctor reminded me that I am in the acute recovery stage, and that this may last months. He assured me that I will have some recovery for years. Thanks, Doc. The wounds on my neck are steadily improving, just not fast enough for me. I've become aware of some other physical manifestations of my treatment. My skin color is ashen, and my skin tone seems to be less elastic. My hair is brittle, and seems to have stopped growing. My eyebrows look like they've been singed. I've got chicken legs. Other than these small side effects, I look like a million bucks.The Outlaws – Hurry Sundown - Digitally Remastered 2001 

   I would like to welcome a reader from Italy. I love Italy. I remember being in Florence on a hot summer day. The happy American tourist. The window was opened, and I was enjoying the bumper to bumper midday gridlock. A young man reached into the window of our cab, and grabbed my manly shoulder pouch. He pulled, I pulled back, we had a little tug of war, and I held on to the bag. He was walking to his next job and stopped to look at me from behind the car. He gave me an insulting non verbal hand gesture. I held up the bag and gave him a 1 fingered salute. Ahh Florence! I'm glad to know that there are people out there who stay connected. – Funiculi Funicular
   Through the process of writing I've been blessed to be in contact with so many old friends, and friends I haven't met yet. The world is getting smaller all the time. I'm finding comfort in hearing that I am being read in Naperville, Long Valley, and somewhere in Malaysia. Asian Traditional Music – Malaysia Melody A friend called this week, and asked if he could give my # to one of his guys who was going through treatment for cancer. My # is (480)242-7910 operators are standing by. The fact is that people connect. People connect me to the world. I have been lifted up during a seemingly bad time in my life. I have been given everything that I ever needed. Your collective Power has carried me. You people with various philosophies, religious beliefs, and spiritual leanings gave me the "bump" I needed, right when I needed bumping.Pete And The Pirates – Things That Go Bump
 My dear friend Roger Doyle passed away a year ago this week. He was one of the finest men I have ever known. He was a living example of the kind of man I would hope to become. It is good to have role models. He was put in my life at just the right time to help me change trajectory, and I will be forever grateful for his friendship. The same can be said for my friend Randy Howes, who ended his fight with pancreatic cancer on Sunday. May they, and all our dearly departed, rest in peace.

Roger C. Doyle

 Dropkick Murphys – The Wild Rover
The Outlaws – Green Grass & High Tides 
The Outlaws – (Ghost) Riders In The Sky - Digitally Remastered, 1996
Respectfully submitted,
TJH

Marty is in Transit 9/6/11

    I enjoyed a wonderful visit with my brother Marty. I am having a little separation anxiety in conjunction with his departure. Not just because he's leaving, but because I sent him back to Cleveland Ohio with some fine cigars. These cigars have been accumulated with love over the past several years. I know that they are in good hands, and will be enjoyed with good friends, and family. There may be some scientific evidence which suggests that they may contain carcinogens. I'm not a heavy smoker, I've probably enjoyed 10 cigars a year for the past 10 years. I've smoked under 5 cigarettes my entire life. I smoked about 3 bales of marijuana, but none since 1987. I'm pretty sure my smoking activities have been curtailed for the foreseeable future. I don't even have to ask Beth, it's better that I should just find a good home for the good smokes. Blues Traveler – Hook

    My head is recovering faster than my body. I completed the treatment protocol, now I want an expedited recovery. The problem with this philosophy is that the body is not always able to maintain the recovery regimen that I have mentally established. Sometimes I just have to crash. There is not much advance notice. I hit a certain threshold and then my systems go into an automatic shutdown. Dave Matthews Band – Ants Marching

   I am waiting for mom to arrive. I had to unceremoniously cut short dinner last night, and figured I'd give her a rain check while I'm feeling well. I'm finding that my energy level is much better in the morning. The pace of this weekend may have been a tad aggressive for this stage of my recovery.

   For you Marty... Iggy Pop – The Passenger

   I just did a mile on the treadmill, and now I am going to lay down. I may have overshot the mark. Marty bought me some fancy, very light track shoes. I think the shoes held up better than I did. I may need a slower pair of shoes.Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros – Home

Thanks for the encouragement!
TJH


 

So much for bloggers block! 9/4/11

Talking Heads – Psycho Killer - 2005 Remastered Album Version
Talking Heads – Psycho Killer - Acoustic

   "Don't touch me I'm a real live wire". I need to be re-wired. The neurological ramifications of throat cancer have been grossly underestimated. My circuitry is shot. The standard wiring was eliminated during the cancer surgery on June 2, 2011. The electricians have not been back on the job since then, and it appears they have no interest in fixing the mess they left behind. All those intricate tiny tendrils of nerve endings have been displaced. They have been given the opportunity to provide a sensation, and are working overtime. My shirts hurt, the air conditioning hurts, but the front of my hair looks great. I think it looks a little like David Byrne circa 1977.
Talking Heads – Burning Down The House
Talking Heads – Road To Nowhere
Talking Heads - Life During Wartime

   I kinda got stuck in a Talking Heads time warp for a minute. The back of my head gives me a Gary Oldham feel from the 5th Element. I'm glad I cant see it without the use of smoke and mirrors. Enjoy!

    I hope this stuff gets better in a relatively short period of time. My favorite food of the weekend was an unexpected Ahi Tuna appetizer with a wasabi horseradish sauce at Firebirds in Chandler. The worst food selection so far is without question the mouthful of buttermilk biscuit at breakfast this morning. That thing devolved into a full mouth of paste almost instantaneously. I was left with a plaster of Paris mold of the inside of my mouth. There really is no cool way to extract that from your teeth, or the roof of your mouth.
Del Amitri – Tell Her This
Del Amitri – Roll To Me

Hair club for Tim 9/4/11

   Duane Eddy – Peter Gunn
   Sorry for the delay in my blogging, I've had treatment block. I had a long period of recovery after my last treatment. I didn't really get my sea legs back until Thursday. The effect of that last treatment was pretty formidable. I would love to blame Marty, but he has been encouraging me every day to blog.
   Marty dropped me off to see some friends in Ahwatukee(this is where I was robbed at gunpoint 4 months ago), Saturday morning. During the visit I mentioned that I would be needing a ride home. There were 3 offers made immediately, and a couple of backups. People really do want to be of service. What can we do? How can we help?
  During times of complacency the human condition does not always translate well, but if you add some degree of challenge into the mix, we get a very different view of our fellow man. Sometimes the view is better, but not always. You can see it in the eyes of the people receiving treatment. They have a degree of defiance, without malice, that will not allow failure. You also recognize the people who have lost the will to fight for that day. On that day the disease is a big winner, but hopefully we live to fight another day. I've only had a couple of these moments, thank God.
   I squirted my dinner all over the kitchen window, and valance. It was a syringe malfunction. My hair started to fall out this week. I have a receding neckline! Always a fashion leader, a trend setter. It starts from the back of my neck and goes up about 3 inches(photos are in the next blog). It appears to run in the same line as the extra heavy dose of radiation I received the last week of treatment. A lovely parting gift. "Thanks for playing, baldy".
 Michael Franti & Spearhead – Say Hey (I Love You)
  The Radiation oncologist sent me home with a tupperware of concoction he mixed in front of me. It was an Aquaphor Healing Ointment, and Lidocaine - Wikipedia mixture, to paste on the throat and neck. The white paste doesn't look great, but it will stop the pain.
   We met Mom for breakfast this morning at Biscuits in Ahwatukee. I ran into a friend of mine and his 2 sons. They were a couple of fine young men ages 11, and 7. They came over and introduced themselves, and we had a little chat. When we finished our meal and were getting ready to fight for the check(mom was very quick), we were told that our bill was paid by my friend. He grabbed the opportunity to help. He saw an opening and took full advantage. It was a veteran move, pulled off very anonymously. It reminded me of me, and made me smile.Michael Franti – The Sound Of Sunshine (Album Version)
   We left our breakfast and headed over to the farmers market for a little after breakfast stroll. The nice lady at the herbal ointment stand gave me some holistic cream for my napalmed neck. 100 pecent pure African shea butter, will be just perfect for nuclear neck. I wonder if it stimulates hair growth?
Creedence Clearwater Revival – Who'll Stop The Rain
Ramones – I Wanna Be Sedated
Stevie Wonder – Signed, Sealed, Delivered (I'm Yours) - Alternate Mix
Bobby Darin – Beyond The Sea
Looking at the opportunities,
TJH

Ready to Recover 9/2/11

   My brother Marty rolled into town yesterday.Meat Loaf – Bat Out Of Hell He needed to get eyeballs on me to be convinced I was surviving well. I don't blame him for wanting to see me with his own eyes. I sold him a lot of stories early in his existence. I have a 5 year advantage, and he remains reasonably suspicious. Elvis Presley – Suspicious Minds

   I'm glad he is here. We'd both like to spend more time together. I know that I love, and that I am loved. We had a fabulous class at the Apple Store. He is enjoying him some Spotify. Vampire Weekend – Holiday I spoke with TJ today, he just finished a 16 mile ruck in under 3 hours. He's spending the long weekend in a small town about an hour out of Vienna. I believe Kevin is in Boston. Vampire Weekend – Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa
   I saw the Radiation Oncologist today, and he is giving me the greenlight to recover. I am ready. I'm ready for the treadmill, some sensible solid food, a gradual reduction on my painkillers. I'm being re-released into the environment, like a bird with a repaired wing. I want to fly. I will follow the guidelines, and directions of my doctors. I had my last treatment a week ago, and have been in a pretty solid funk all week. My energy level has been shot, and my pain level has been high. Today I had a noticeable improvement in both energy, and pain. The Strokes – Last Nite

   How many second chances have I already been given? How fortunate? I am immeasurably blessed. This is not subject to health. This has been true my entire life, and as my life continues to unfold into goodness.
Enjoy the music!
TJH

Billy Bragg and Wilco – California Stars
Adele – Make You Feel My Love

Miss You 8/30/11-- 9/1/11

The Rolling Stones – Miss You
 CH CH CH CH...What's the matter with you boy? Just waiting for some spring to return to my step. I've been noticeably off balance since Friday. The cumulative effect is a multifaceted assault(rashes, blisters, digestive difficulties, fatigue, oral complications, vertigo, emotional instability), but I don't have to go to treatment today.
   Today they want a blood test. I'm not exactly sure what they are looking for, but the fact that I'm having a hard time keeping nutrition is somewhat disconcerting. My physique is smaller, but is still doughy(not a chiseled 173). I have more than enough in prudent reserves. I remembered to apply the topical cream to numb my port, but the anti nausea pill must not have agreed with the Ensure. They've called for additional tube feeding. The custom supplement contains fiber, and should help to solidify my process. Bart picked me up at 8:15, and we were off. I feel somewhat awkward returning to the treatment facility for a simple blood sample.
   The fabulous port malfunctioned this morning, and I was sent home with a shooter of heparin to de-clog the port. Not a big deal, I'll just try again tomorrow.
   Mom stopped by today with some home made ham and pea soup. Good for whatever ails me.
   One of the more noticeable aspects of my recuperation is a heightened awareness of love. An appreciation for the calls, messages, and cards. I feel a sense of closeness. The blessed interactions with so many people that I love. I've been graced with the ability to recognize so much love that it is almost overwhelming. I miss being able to interact freely without concern for my health, but I like the way I'm tuned right now.

   Bart picked me up this morning for a successful blood test. On the way out I stopped at the radiation office to replenish my exhausted supply of Aquaphor Healing Ointment. This ointment helps alleviate the sting, and is not as greasy as some of the other ointments I've tried. I saw some of the usual suspects, including the woman who took my time slot. She and her husband were happy to see me, and the feeling was mutual.
Enjoy the Day!
TJH
Duane Eddy – Rebel Rouser
George Benson – On Broadway
George Benson – Breezin' - Remastered LP Version
Al Stewart – Year Of The Cat
The Allman Brothers Band – Statesboro Blues